A Fallen Angel
by Ilvinaeda
Summary: A short what-if ficlet (poem). What if in the final battle, someone didn't make it? Perhaps Mithos managed to take one of our heroes down with him...


Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia. They are the property of Namco and Kosuke Fujishima. Only the poem is mine.

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A Fallen Angel – Acrostic

DarkFic Poem; Rating-R

Genre: Angst, Drama, Supernatural

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Summary:

A short, what-if ficlet. What if in the final battle, someone didn't make it? Perhaps Mithos managed to take one of our heroes down with him…

This is one such story, written in freeverse pattern. Please read, review, and enjoy.

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A Fallen Angel

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Tonight, the moon shines wonderfully…  
Here, in our home, Iselia…  
Everything is so perfect. So right.

I still remember the day we left…  
No, it was more like the day you left…  
Not wanting to hurt me,  
Or to keep me waiting forever…  
Colette, you should have known…  
Even if you were to go away now,  
Never to return…never to see us again…  
There would still be this feeling…

Memories of you…  
Even though so many years have gone by,  
My dreams still haunt me…  
Oh, a time now long past…  
Really, though, has it been that long?  
I didn't think it could ever end…  
Even though we were struggling for the world,  
Somehow, I thought it made us immortal…

Only after Mithos had already hurt us all,  
Fending us off with everything he had…

And almost destroying Derris-Kharlan in the process…

Then, and there, I saw you fall.  
In any other context, I might have laughed.  
My friend…who could trip over air…  
Except this time, you were hurt…bleeding…

Lunging over to your side,  
Orange gels in hand…  
Nothing could have prepared me for that…  
Gazing at your wound, spilling your life's essence…

Placing a gel at your side, I heard you scream…  
A wail that still echoes on nights like this…  
Still full of anguish…of torment…  
The sound of suffering…of pain…

–

So many sunrises and sunsets have passed…  
They come and go, like the wind and the rain.  
I look away now, as I have for many-a-day…  
Looking for better times, better places…  
Looking for that time, when I still had you…

Bashful and shy, yet energetic…  
Understanding…loving, caring…  
Ruled by a soul that could work miracles…  
Never unkind, never hateful…  
I still remember you.  
Not in all of time could I forget…  
Gazing at a picture in the corner of my room…

For seven years now, I locked myself away…  
Reliving those last few moments of us together,  
Endlessly repeating in my mind…  
Somehow hoping that just once, I'd get a chance…  
Hoping somehow I could undo your fate…  
Lying there, before me…the memories again…  
You told me not to worry…but how could I not…?

In my memories again, you appear…  
Nothing ever seems to change…

Moving once again for your fallen form,  
Your hand still reaching for me, now and forever…

My hands running over your grievous wound…  
I once again tear my shirt, fumbling…  
Never getting it right…watching you die…  
Damning myself for all of eternity…

–

Tears spill from my eyes as the vision takes me over.  
Hurting from within, I can barely move.  
Of all times, I had to screw it up then…  
Somewhere off in the distance, I watch, and hope…  
Eying the horizon for a sign of my angel…

Mesmerized by the sunset, a crimson red…  
Once, we used to enjoy such things…  
Meaningless by itself, and yet so precious  
Except everything I did with you was precious.  
Not a day goes by that I can forget…  
The warmth of your eyes, the flush of your face,  
Smiling at me while watching time pass…

Sighing, I turn away. You are not coming back.  
Perhaps it is but lunacy that has driven me thus…  
Even the others…they have accepted your death,  
Not wanting to, but acknowledging the loss…  
The blood you spilled that day was proof enough…

Whereas I…I will never accept it.  
I will never let you leave my side.  
The only one whom I ever loved…  
Here, with me, now and forever…!

Yellowish light has long since turned orange…  
Orange having become red…and red to darkness.  
Uttering nonsense, I fall upon my bed…

–

Moving and mumbling in my sleep, I jolt awake.  
You were just there…weren't you?

Oh, you were here, all right!  
Not in my window, but on my bed…  
Lying beside me, hugging me again…  
You were here…you were…you…

Realizing that once again, I had been dreaming,  
Emptiness fills my heart, and I rise slowly.  
An endless torment plagues me…  
Sometimes, it is a happy moment…snuggling…  
Others are far more painful…like your death…  
Not that it matters much anymore.

They are but dreams…giving me that false hope…  
Only to take it away from me at the light of dawn…

Looking about, I see the sun rising again.  
I once loved watching the sun peek over the sea…  
Visions of us just sitting there, on the porch…  
Eagerly awaiting the coming of morning…

–

I rise, as I have for these many years…

Cynicism pervades my demeanor now.  
A cold, cruel, cynical view I used to hate so…  
Now, it is but a despairing part of me…

Way off in the distance, I look on.  
Asking the goddess for a sign…anything…  
In all my years of life, never could I have imagined,  
The longing I feel now, which has corrupted me…

Now I can understand what Mithos felt.  
Only he suffered for four thousand long years…

Looking forever, for that miracle cure…  
Oh, Colette…I miss you so…  
No more can I stand and watch time pass.  
Grabbing my sword, I head out.  
Everything has a cure…everything.  
Really. And I will find yours…

–

Yearning…this cruel yearning…  
Only your soul could fill my heart now.  
Unkindly thoughts fill my head…

Say, if there was a way to revive you…  
Having someone else serve as your host…  
Oh…long ago, I would have said it wrong.  
Uttering some kind of self-righteous crap…  
Low and behold, look at me now…  
Desperate for a cure…for your warmth…

Now I understand Mithos much better…  
Every bit of pain I suffer now,  
Violent as I am becoming…  
Even that isn't anything…  
Really…Mithos and I…aren't so different…

Holding you in my arms again…  
A dream that is so far from reality now,  
Vengeance…is all I desire now.  
Even as my heart darkens, I feel you…

How—no why, did it have to be this way?  
An angel like you…like Martel…  
Death was wrong in taking you. The bastard…

Trudging on, I burn inside…  
Of all things…of everyone…why you…?

Death's realm is near. I challenge him.  
I know that I am right…you deserve your life.  
Even he knows it…but he is selfish…

–

More silence. It is really irking me.  
You are not his property…you are…mine…

Offering my challenge again, I am again upset.  
Not only does he ignore me, he plays with me.  
Every passing second now just further angers me.

A silent tear trickles down from my eyes,  
Navigating its way down my cheeks…  
Down to my mouth, where I taste the salty drop…

Overhead, the sun gleams.  
Never will I look upon it so fondly again.  
Looking at it only reminds me of you…  
Your eyes, your warmth, your smile…

Looks like Death isn't showing…  
Or perhaps he is a coward, as such…  
Very well. If he will not return your soul,  
Everyone will suffer for your loss…

–

It has been two days since I challenged Death.

Waiting at the outskirts of Triet,  
I can but reminisce of better times…  
Looking, I see the hole in the wall…  
Light plays with me again, and I see you…

However, I know better this time…  
A mere image…not the angel I seek.  
Violent with rage, I scream…I roar…  
Entering the town with sword drawn…

Young children cry out and run away…  
Older folk look about, for the disturbance…  
Unleashing my vengeance upon these ingrates…

Before I complete the thought, I am stopped.  
A voice tries to reason with me…  
Coolly, I push it away.  
Kindness had its chance…and look what it got me…

–

Thrusting my sword forth, I let another roar sing.  
Hate drives me as I tear apart a house…  
Every moment seems so surreal now…

Fools…the lot of them…scattering to and fro…  
A bunch of good it will do me to kill them.  
Tired, angry, and most of all, spiteful,  
Evil shines in my eyes as I wreak havoc.  
Slicing away signs, covered overhangs…

Destroying the superficial…  
Everything should be destroyed…  
No, I tell myself. Let them suffer instead.  
You cannot have suffering without life…

My anger flares as my swords glow crimson.  
Every ounce of hatred and anger, I let loose…

A terrifying surge flows forth.  
Grasping the power, I throw it down…  
A small crater forms in the middle of town.  
I walk over to it, where I see a dead dog.  
Nothing of importance, I say to myself…

–

Traveling onward, I head north…  
Headaches still plague me from the day before.  
I shake my head again…this isn't right.  
Something is left undone…

Coming to realize I had not done enough…  
Another source of suffering must be made…  
North…I looked to the town of Hima…  
Now, the once-empty place thrived…  
Oh, there will be people there to suffer now…  
Taking to flight, I surge on, my target known…

Back then, there was but good and evil…  
Even though there were those in between…

Perhaps I have found the answer.  
Only grey exists in the world.  
Sometimes, we think we know good and evil…  
Sometimes, we feel we do the "right" thing…  
I look back on it now with a passive distaste,  
Because I see the truth now.  
Life isn't fair…hasn't been, never will be.  
Even the thought of fairness is but illusion.

–

Wings spread widely, I dive in,  
Heaving my blade ahead of me…  
Yes…the surge of suffering…destruction…

Whistling through the air,  
Odd dots scatter…as they watch it fall…  
Underneath, I see a child and her mother…  
Let them die. What have they done…?  
Did they help my Colette as she lay there dying?

This entire world…full of ingrates…  
Have any of them so much as lifted a finger for you?  
Everyone we met could have cared less…  
You were meant to be the sacrifice…

Destined to die from birth…  
Even now, I cannot imagine living so.  
Not a single person said no to that…  
You didn't even know what it was to live…

Yet, I helped you…I saved you…  
Only to watch you fall in Mithos' dying wrath…  
Unable to save my precious angel…

–

Yelling as I dive in,  
Out of the blue…  
Utterly determined to make them suffer…

Colette…why'd you have to die?  
Oh, any other person could have gone…  
Ugly thoughts fill my head…  
Let it be Zelos, Regal, Presea, Raine…  
Damnit, even Sheena, Genis…

NOT YOU! WHY?  
Engulfed in rage, I storm above.  
Vengeance has corrupted me.  
Even the innocent—no. Not innocent.  
Really, is there such a person in Sylvarant?

How could there be? No one cared.  
Unaware…no, that is no excuse.  
Really now…after all those Chosens died…  
They were UNAWARE? NO!

Anger rises even more within me as I continue.

Stupid people…why'd I even want to help them?  
Only you and I cared…they…  
Ungrateful wretches deserve this!  
Let's see if I can show them true suffering…

–

A long time passes before I am conscious again.  
Something is terribly wrong with me.

I lie in a bed in Iselia…with my friends around me…

Cold…it just feels so cold…  
Ominous eyes fill this room…  
My friends…they look at me now…  
Even they have nothing to say…

They too, have forsaken me.  
Okay…it's only you and me now…

Regal just looks downward, silent…  
Even Sheena looks away…  
A look of disappointment comes from Raine.  
Little Presea just stares into me…  
I watch Genis hold his pink-haired friend…  
Zelos…doesn't even look me in the eyes.  
Everyone…why…Colette…

–

Fate is not kind. Never has been.  
As I watch my friends mull around,  
Colette…? No. She isn't among them.  
I saw yet another mirage. Of her.  
No one wants to say a word…  
Genis…what's going on…

"M…man…what happened to you…"  
"You're not the Lloyd I remember…"

Looking into his eyes, I begin to understand.  
A surge attack…someone stopped it…  
Someone stopped me. No…  
They stopped me…putting my rage to rest…

Moving my head, I feel a pain, deep…  
Only then, do the others speak to me.  
Many express their regrets, their laments…  
Everyone but Genis…  
Now, as everyone files neatly out…  
There he stands, next to my bed.  
Something he wanted to say to me…?

–

"The village, Lloyd…" he softly speaks.  
"How could you do that to them…?"  
"Even with us there…there's no town…"  
"You…destroyed…Hima…"

Drying tears from his eyes, Genis backs away.  
Out of spite, he punches me, hard, before running…

No…Genis…my friend…  
Oh, Colette…what have I done…  
Through my hatred, my loneliness…

Destroying Hima was not something I wanted.  
Even Triet…I left everyone alive…  
No one died…except that dog…  
You…you sit beside me now.

Yes…your soul…it has returned…  
Only not in warmth. You cry.  
Under the sheets, I feel cold again.

–

I watch you cry your heart out.  
Tears running from your ethereal face…

Wanting so badly to stop your pain, I reach…  
And to my deepest regret, you turn away from me…  
Somehow…I know I caused you this pain.

My foolhardy actions, my delusions…  
Everything…blurs…as I drift off into sleep.

–

Bleeding there, upon the broken tile…  
Everything is as it was that day.  
Colette…you lie there now…  
A pained expression in your face…  
Under your form, blood pools…  
Seeing this, I rapidly rush to you…  
Eyes and hands searching for your wound.

It was a terrible one…upon your chest…

Half-conscious, you reached out to me…  
A chunk of your body had been torn out.  
Viscous crimson spilling forth…  
Ebbing from you like the river to the ocean…

Feeling your pulse slow, I panicked…  
An orange gel was sprinkled over your wound…  
Little did I know it would cause such pain…  
Letting out a scream of anguish, I turned away…  
Eternally sorry for that moment of suffering I caused…  
Not wanting to leave your side…I watched…

–

Moments became seconds, and seconds became minutes.  
You closed your eyes…in eternal slumber…

Suddenly, you stopped. Stopped everything.  
Only your body, resting peacefully, existed…  
Unable to move, to speak, I could only hold you.  
Letting out my anguish as I hugged you and cried.

I see you again, now, beside me…  
Somehow, I feel that this isn't an illusion…

Dutifully, you turn to me…  
A mark of sadness I never saw before…  
My soul sinks as I feel my impending doom.  
Never to walk this earth again…  
Every waking moment to be spent burning…  
Destined to suffer the way I made others suffer…

–

An awkward silence sits between us as we remain close.  
Not once did I believe you'd actually become an angel…  
Death be damned…he didn't steal you away.

You look into my eyes now…  
Only now, unlike so many other times…  
Utter despair wreaks your form…

"Why…?" It is a cruel question.  
"I loved you so much…why…?"  
"Lloyd…how could you do this…?"  
"Leaving you was hard…but this…"

Leaden, tormented, my heart sinks further.  
Emptiness is all that fills my soul.  
A little voice in my head nags me.  
Damn you, Lloyd. For hurting her yet again.

My angel finally becomes more real…  
Ever more materialized…as I realize I am dying too.

At last, you are before me, in all your beauty.  
White garb covering your milky skin…  
A beautiful crystal chakram in your left hand…  
Yet…I feel that there is more you have to say.

–

Judgment has come to me at last.  
Under the star-lit sky, you speak again.  
Do I have anything left to redeem myself?  
I was hoping we could be together again…  
Colette…my angel…what have I become…  
A moment of silence…and I see another nod…  
The angels have decided on something…  
Of course, exactly what they have decided…  
Remains a big unknown to me as I watch…

"On this day, the soul in question…"  
"Found guilty of murder…and of deep evil…"

Suddenly, you move forward, into me…  
Only then do I realize that I have been condemned…  
Unto the fiery morass of the burning underworld…  
Looking into your eyes once more,  
Silent tears surface…as you take me away…

–

Epilogue

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As my eyes open once more,  
Night's darkness welcomes me…  
Dutifully, I rise…is this it?

I take a quick look around me.  
Nothing…absolutely nothing…

Death sure feels strange.  
Except…as I look to my feet…  
An angel lies there…beside me…  
That warm face…those eyes…  
Heaven or hell, I could care less…

It's really you…my angel…

As the sun rises in the east,  
My angel stirs…mumbles…

Repositioning myself at her side,  
Eagerness creeps up into my skin.  
Bliss…is the only word that comes to mind.  
Only the two of us…here…  
Revenge, anger, hate…just slip away…  
Near her, I am a completely different being.

As she finally awakens, she turns to me…  
Not even eternity could make me forget…  
Every detail of that wondrous visage…  
Warm…soft eyes, with that cheery smile…

–

Sitting up, we hold one another,  
Taking in the morning…the moment…  
A whole new world greets us as we rise,  
Red sand all around us, as far as we can see.  
This is the start of a whole new chapter,  
In which I must again learn to live…  
Nothing seems so hard anymore, though…  
Gently helping my angel rise…

I know that this life, too, will be hard.  
The sins of my past cannot be simply erased…

A wave of confidence comes to me, though…  
Looking at the expanses of sand, I smile.  
Life can yet be brought to this empty land…

Oh, there are things we must do…  
Voraciously, my stomach growls…  
Even the little things will be a challenge…  
Right now, that first task is finding food…

Walking along, we come to a small oasis.  
I smile…a pocket of life in the midst of death.  
This is where we shall start over again.  
Heading to the water's edge, we drink…

Yes…this is life. Life with meaning…  
Of course, there are many reasons to live…but…  
Under the shade of a tree, I hold my reason…my friend.

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_owari._

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Good? Bad? Please review!

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